I have been saying that I want to write a book with the above listed title for awhile now. I really don’t think I am a strong enough writer to turn my thoughts into a book so I will talk about it here.
If you are one of these moms that has perfect children, thinks motherhood is the easiest and most beautiful thing in the world and you have a child that came out of you floating on clouds from your un-drugged body then STOP READING NOW! Also if your child was potty trained, sleeping in a toddler bed and could read at 12 months, you are also not the kind of person that should continue reading.
So, I want to talk about the truth, the good the bad and the ugly and the truth the motherhood is hard! Here is my DISCLAIMER: I love my children very much and cannot imagine my life with out them, keep that in mind as you read.
I really should not have to put a disclaimer that I love my children before I talk about the challenges of being a mom but unfortunately our society is full of mom shaming for people that say anything negative when it comes to their children or parenting. It is kind of like an unspoken thing that we as moms are no supposed to tell other moms that this is hard and we are struggling. Instead, we compete and brag about how great our children are. I think it is time for change…I think instead of competing against each other, we should group together and talk about our challenges and maybe even find like minded people who can help you through tough times or maybe even give a little perspective to help you in a time of need or unknowing.
So here it goes, being a mom is hard…probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. You literally have never experienced the emotions that you will experience as a mom, good and bad. I have never felt this level of love, frustration, anger, pride…and the list goes on. They told me about 100 times in the hospital that if I am ever very frustrated, walk away and leave a crying baby (in a safe place of course like their crib) and there is a reason. You will honestly get to a point of pure exhaustion/tiredness/frustration that you really cant take anymore and you need to walk away and gather yourself. For me, this was more common in the infant stage. Even today with toddlers, sometimes I pretend like a am pooping to get 5 minutes to myself but typically my 3 year olds come find me and ruin my few minutes of peace. It is ok to want time away from your kids, as a matter of fact I think it makes for a more healthy environment for everybody. Without help, we don’t take many date nights but me and my spouse are very supportive of each other going out with friends to have some time alone and I really encourage this. For the first year, I did not really leave the twins and I think this help contribute to my depression and loneliness.
There are many days that I have cried myself to sleep and just been so overwhelmed mentally, physically and emotionally. Sometimes on these days, our little ones will say something heartwarming like “I love you mommy” and you feel guilty for being so frustrated or yelling at them but that is life with kids. My husband helps a lot but another truth that nobody talks about is that moms do more. This is probably not applicable to single dads and some other people but for the most part, I feel like I do it all. Like I said, my husband does a lot but moms are like super people that balance it all. This is my day…wake up at 5AM, exercise for an hour, get ready for work, get the kids up, feed them, make sure they are fed and clean, take them to daycare, go to work, get off of work, go get the kids from daycare, bring the kids home, try to cook dinner and do laundry and clean the house while trying as hard as I can to keep the kids under control without just plopping them in front of the TV, clean up dishes, give the kids a bath, get them ready for bed, put them to bed. I also care for them myself on Saturday as my husband works and the one day that my husband can get up and get them, he magically never hears them. I know he works outdoors in Arizona which is not easy and he only has one day off but I would just like ONE day that I don’t have to get the kids out of bed and I have recently brought this to his attention. Oh and on top of all of that, I do all the bills, keep track of all the bank and investment accounts, schedule all doctors appointments, grocery shop, ensure that the house is stocked with toilet paper, laundry detergent, etc. and the list goes on. For those single parents, I applaud you… I really don’t know how you do it because I have help and I still feel overwhelmed.
I think social media also perpetuates the image that motherhood is all beauty and no challenge. I am part of that statistic, I looked at my IG feed, out of 1119 posts I could find 6 pictures that could be called a more realistic image of motherhood…
So, lets talk more about the joys and the challenges and of being a mom. Let’s work with each other instead of competing against each other. Only other mothers can truly understand the array of emotions that we feel so let’s build a mommy army and start talking about the truth about motherhood.
XOXO- telling it like it is twin mom