Well, Fall is upon us and it is my favorite time of year so we celebrate by doing a lot of fun activities to keep the boys busy and enjoy the weather although it has been 90+ degrees for the last week. There was a couple of great window opening days and we should get back there soon but we have had fun anyway!
Enjoy the pics,
XOXO- busy twin mom
I am very happy that a new month has come, not only because September was a very difficult month for me but because I love Fall and cannot wait for open window weather and scarves/sweaters. Having kids has really brought out my creative side for Halloween and I am excited to pick out pumpkins, make pumpkin bread and do all the other fun things that come with fall.
It is no secret that I have gone through some very difficult times lately and feel that I have been in a funk so I am trying to look at things in a different light and talk about what I am thankful for today. At the end of the day, I am still struggling with a lot of things but I am thankful for the following and hope that looking at things in a more positive light will help things work themselves out and I hope that October is a good month.
I am thankful for:
Having healthy children. I cannot even express my emotions around this as my kids were born very early and very sick and I am truly blessed that I have two healthy boys. Unfortunately I have seen some friends with kids that have some serious health issues with their children and I cannot imagine. I truly thank God everyday that I have healthy thriving perfect little boys.
Having children that love me unconditionally. My kids are at the age where they really like to show their affection for me. I get kisses, hugs and the sweetest words from my boys. I may not have done everything right but I have taught my boys unconditional love and it is so nice to see them express that to me and each other.
People who have shown me support and love during difficult times. It is not always the people that you expect but there have been a couple of people that have really gone above and beyond to reach out to me and show me love and support during times of tribulation.
The drive that I have been given to try to get healthy. I have been trying to use exercise as therapy and have been really active lately and I am thankful that I have that drive.
Being able to provide my children with a home and what I consider a fulfilling life.
Being here and being present, I am thankful for another day not matter how challenging they may be, I am thankful for being here.
XOXO- Thankful twin mom
It is no secret that I am very honest when it comes to the difficulties of motherhood but today Ethan told me something that literally melted my heart. Ethan told me in Spanish (I will translate for you):
“Mommy I want to go to work so I can make money to buy you flowers because you are pretty”
I literally died, he also has been giving me extra kisses because he says I look sad. Aiden also says sweet things but Ethan is a lover and very expressive of his emotions and it made motherhood feel amazing today.
I really needed this.
XOXO- In love twin mom
I saw a post on IG that somebody was tagged and they had to post 20 facts about them and thought it would be fun to do the same. I mean I am obviously a mom, have twin boys but I want to try to think outside of the box, so here it goes…
XOXO- Hoped you learned more about me twin mom
The day I decided to have kids I knew that I wanted them to be involved in sports. Not in the really pushy parent way but I just wanted to them have the option to be involved in a sport that makes them happy, their choice. When I grew up my parents could not afford things like dance, soccer or any of the other things that we wanted to be a part of and I get it…it is expensive and my mom had 4 of us.
When I had the opportunity to involve my children in soccer, one of my favorite sports I jumped at the opportunity of starting them at a young age. Most leagues require players to be at least 4 years of old but this new league on my side of town (bonus because I live in the sticks) is offering a league for 3 and older. I was so excited, I mean I don’t really know if the boys like soccer but we kick around the ball at the park and they seem to enjoy it. I registered the boys and went a little crazy with supplies: shin guards, cleats, shorts, jerseys, socks, soccer balls, etc. Then the first practice came and it was hectic to say the least. Practice starts at 5 (which is not really convenient for working mothers) but I managed to wrangle both kids into all of their gear (I mean do 3 years old really need shin guards???) and get them to practice by 5:05, not bad…right? WRONG! You would have thought I was the worst human being on earth from the daggers shooting out of the eyeballs of the other mothers. You would have thought they were playing a world cup game and I had Messi himself and was late to the starting kickoff. Anyway, nobody spoke to me other than the comments I heard under their breath. I truly don’t know what I did to these women, by the way the male coaches seem to like me just fine but I am the odd mom out. I mean I was dressed in a black suit because I just rushed home from work and did not even have time to go to the restroom let alone change. I don’t know if they were intimidated or mad because I work or maybe they were just mad that I was 5 minutes late. The practice was one of the hardest things to get through as my kids are much younger and smaller than the kids on their team, again I am the asshole parent trying to chase them around. Then snack time comes and what is it…soda and chips! Um, my kids rarely eat chips and have never had soda in their life so again I am the asshole that does not let my kids have those things and they throw the double trouble tantrum because all of the other kids get to eat those things and mine don’t. So second practice, same thing, rude glares, comments except my then husband was there and they were peachy and sweet to him. By the way the stress of that entire day is what eventually led to him moving out but anyway, 2 minutes late so an improvement. Kids interacted a little more so that was good but all in all it was pretty stressful. Both kids had to poop in the middle of practice so I am over there with their “emergency potty” trying to clean up poop while being attacked by flies and still in my work clothes and dripping sweat but oh well. Oh and did I mention that my kids primary language is Spanish and when we are at soccer practice I speak English so other people do not think I am rude but when I am having private conversations we speak in Spanish so hearing derogatory comments about living in America and speaking English are really offensive. To be honest, I am Republican and not the liberal person they think I am but I know that speaking Spanish not only makes their brain grow but will give them opportunities for jobs and many other things in the future. I guess my point is, stop judging me. Snack time was the same except this time it was candy and juice boxes, neither of which my kids are allowed to have. I know I am strict but I grew up overweight and very unhealthy and want to give my kids the best health that I can. They get treats, they eat ice cream but I don’t need to overload them with sugar. If that is your parenting choice, OK that is fine but please respect mine. So today was game day, I no longer have a husband so it was all me which is overwhelming but I am so proud of them. Because game day is doing more of just running around and kicking the ball, they had fun and did great. I heard mommy gossip and sat by myself while the other moms made comments to each other but you know what that is OK. I mean it is not ok but I don’t care, if you are miserable enough to talk about other people, I feel sorry for you. I feel bad because this is supposed to be something fun and my kids are so young but this is giving me a sneak peak into how things will be when they get older. I thought to myself as they made me feel like an ass hole, maybe if you knew that I struggle with depression…you would be kind.
Maybe if you knew that my husband just left me and I am trying to take care of these kids by myself you would be kind.
Maybe if you knew that one of my close friend just died of cancer, maybe you would be kind.
Maybe if you knew that my best friend just put her dog down this morning and that dog had a huge part of my heart, maybe you would be kind
Maybe if you knew that my job was so stressful that I have been throwing up everyday at work, you would be kind.
Maybe if you knew that I am struggling with serious health problems, maybe you would be kind.
I know I am not the only one that has these battles but I really try to be kind to people and I wish so badly other people would do the same. So I am going to ignore these people, enjoy watching my kids run around like uncaged animals and just be me because that is all I can do and if it starts this early I better start having that attitude now.
XOXO- Struggling twin mom but proud of my soccer studs
Mompetition: The one-up rivalry that moms play making their child seem better, smarter, and/ or more advanced than yours. May involve two or more moms and any number of children, even full-grown. (According to the Urban dictionary online).
So let me let you in on a secret, Motherhood is HARD so why are we in competition with each other when we all have one thing in common that can bring us together?
I feel like this unspoken competition is really prevalent with stay at home mom vs. working moms. Here is another secret, both stay and home moms and working moms work very hard and are struggling. I have been at stay at home mom (kind of) when the babies were first born as my company pays for 6 months off so I stayed home for those six months although technically I was still employed and getting paid. For the other 2.5 years, I have been a working mom. I can tell you that being a working mom is hard from my own experience and a lot of companies are not friendly or empathetic to a working mom. I have to admit, I used to be one of those people that thought moms used their kids as excuses to leave early, take extra time off or not work as hard as others. After having kids I realized the truth, we still are hard working but are kids are and will always be the most important thing in our life and if that means leaving early to get them from daycare sick, that is what it means. What a lot of people don’t see or hear about is the long hours that we put in at night or in the wee hours of the morning to make up for that work. I don’t think everybody has my work ethic and it has not changed but the way I do work is different especially if my kids are sick and need me. This means in order to keep up with my career, I have to put in the hours after the kids go to bed and honestly this is exhausting. My day starts at 5AM and ends at about 9PM when I can barely function anymore. There are days that I want to stay up and watch TV or read but that is usually not top on my priority list after days of utter fatigue. I also know stay at home moms and they work hard too, they spend all day attending to children and that is not easy day after day after day. The only thing that at stay at home mom has that I don’t is time at home to get “home” stuff done which I also have to do early in the morning, late at night or on the weekends. Sometimes I wish I had more time at home to tend to these things so I could actually sleep in or enjoy a good book at night.
This happens everyday in our society and I just find it so frustrating. We have this one really huge thing in common with each and every mother and instead of uniting and helping each other, we compete. My kids started soccer this last week and of course practice is at 5PM on a weekday on the other side of town so I get off work early (boss is pissed off), get home and try to wrangle to 3 year olds sans nap into cleats, shin guards and uniforms and drive as fast as I can to the park. I show up about 5 minutes late to be greeted by a group of about 5 other moms, assuming from their wardrobe and multiple infants I am assuming they are stay at home moms. You should have seen the glares, I tried to introduce myself with no response and heard a couple of rude remarks that I ignored. Do these women know what being kind is or assuming positive intent? They don’t know that the night before I was up all night with a kid that did not feel well, had had a breakdown at work over a stressful project and got into a fight with my boss about leaving early just to mention a few things. I am sure they are all fighting their own battles but the difference is that I don’t make rude remarks under my breath to make them feel worse than they already do. I was 5 minutes late, get over it, this is not the world cup. My kids just turned 3, yours are 5 so yes mine are a little crazier on the field, again…GET OVER IT. What I really don’t understand is they were the parent a year or two ago that had the youngest players on the team so why cant they realize that and just be nice???
On top of the working mom vs. stay at home mom battle there are also so many other unspoken ones. I cannot tell you how many times moms told me how their child was potty trained at 12 months (bullshit), reading at 3 (again bullshit) and so on. I don’t know if these moms thinks that it impresses people to brag about their children but I think it makes them look like ass holes. I mean I brag about my kids, I am proud of certain achievements and milestones but when I tell you that I am proud that my kids are potty trained at 3 years old I don’t need to hear about your magic potty pooping 6 month old, just say congratulations and MOVE ON. I don’t know maybe I am more secure in my parenting or maybe I just don’t care what people think, probably a combination of both.
I would really like to see us stop shaming moms that do things differently and accept and maybe even learn something from it. Another example, I don’t let me kids eat a lot of sugar. With all of the debate over sugar right now you would think I would not get ridiculed but I can tell you that almost on a daily basis I am told “let them be kids, give them sugar.” Um, no that is my parenting choice and I would appreciate if you would respect it just like I respect the choice that you give your kids sugar by the truckloads. I don’t agree with it, but they are not my kids so I don’t have any right whatsoever to express opinions about their health.
Can you imagine a world where we came together as moms and supported each others decisions and respected and celebrated the differences we have? Wow, what a difference the world would be for us moms and kids.
I can hope that one day, people realize that motherhood is not a competition but a part of life that is challenging and we could all use a little support from people who understand. So next time you want to tell somebody how to parent or overshadow their children’s accomplishments think:
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?
Is it helpful?
If the answer is no then don’t say it. Instead why don’t you offer to help a mom you see struggling, lend a kind word, give them some positive reinforcement. If we all made small steps, we could build a tribe of moms who support each other and maybe, just maybe make motherhood a little easier.
XOXO- not going to compete twin mom
The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief.
This last Saturday the world lost a truly amazing woman. My friend that was battling cancer passed away leaving behind a husband and two young daughters. Her name was Jena, she was not my best friend or somebody that was part of my family but she was a respected collogue and a friend and I am deeply saddened that she has had to leave this life so early. I am not sure on her exact age, 33 or 34. Jena was beautiful inside and out and so smart. She was very smart and great at her job and she was even featured in a magazine of up and coming successful women in Arizona. I remember having conversations with her before either one of us had children about how difficult having children would be then post children and talking about how great motherhood could be. Out of everybody in the office, I felt like her and I had a special bond. She also had this bond with a former collogue and friend Lori. We were all about the same age and had similar work ethic and lifestyles. We all have young children and we bonded over that. I remember Jena’s generosity with Lori and even with me when she knew I had friends that were expecting she gave me a lot of things to give away to help them out. Jena was laid off in 2013 but we stayed in touch and I remember the day she told us she had breast cancer prior to leaving the office. I figured she would get treatment, be in remission and move on raising her beautiful daughters. I remember specifically visiting her home after work one day and we talked about depression and PTSD as we had both been diagnosed with this. This was a secret she did not share with anybody and I felt honored that she shared this with me and we could relate as we had both been through trauma. We had a few lunches with Jena and I remember how happy she was to finally move on with the life that she wanted. Jena had also confided in me that I needed to follow my dreams and seek employment elsewhere and just live my dreams which is what she was trying to do. She thought the cancer was in her past, she passionately opened up her own business and started to make plans to move to California. Then she has a pet scan and the cancer returned all over her body. I knew that this was not good but her husband (who I follow up Facebook) wrote daily updates of how well she was doing. This last Saturday I did not check my email or my social media as I know that I am on it too much and want to “disconnect” when I am with my children so when we were eating dinner and the kids were taking too long to eat I pulled out my phone from my pocket to check the time and got a text from Lori telling me that Jena had passed away. You know that feeling when you get “that” call or text…. I immediately started sobbing and hoping that this news was not true. All the memories started flooding my brain and I was overtaken with grief for a young mother that was taken way too soon. I see so much outpour of love for Jena on social media and a lot of it has the same theme “It is God’s plan and she is in a better place.” I don’t know what is wrong with me but those are not the feelings that I have. I believe in God but I don’t believe this happened for a reason, I don’t believe that a 33 year old mother was taken from her innocent children for a reason and I am mad, I am sad, I am just so sad that this happened. I have had people pass away in my life but none that were my age. I know cancer is an ugly disease that does not pick and choose but I question why her, why such a great person had to be overcome with this horrible monster and ripped from her family? While bathing my children last night I thought about her youngest (2 years old) and how she cannot even begin to comprehend where her mommy went, I think of her oldest that is old enough to understand and I think of her husband who must be going through hell trying to keep it together for the kids.
I am still going through the various stages of grief and know that one day this will be in the past but I don’t want to forget Jena. I want to remember her vibrant blonde hair and how she used to laugh but still give me a look when I made an inappropriate joke (she worked in HR). I want to remember that she told me that when I became a mother that everything would be ok and that it was not as scary as I thought it would be. I want to remember that I was lucky that I got to know this person even if it was for a short time. I want to remember that she encouraged me to live my dreams and act on that. I just want to remember Jena.
XOXO- Grieving twin mom
I have not done a picture post lately so here is the last few weeks in pictures.
XOXO- paparazzi twin mom
Being a mom of twins is something unique, something indescribably amazing and challenging and something that a lot of people do not understand.
I am not a scientist but let me try to break this down because there are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to twins. The most common types of twins are:
monozygotic- This means that the twins are identical, they are the product of one fertilized egg splitting and making two babies. In essence, these babies share the same DNA and will be the same gender, have the same hair color and eye color, etc. This does not mean that they are EXACTLY the same which is a common misconception. These twins will share a placenta in utero.
dizygotic- This means that two eggs were fertilized and therefore there are two babies in the same pregnancy. These twins do not share the same DNA and can be different genders, have different skin color, eye color, hair color, etc. They also do not share a placenta like identical twins.
There are also mono-mono meaning they share the same sac and placenta, this is very high risk and often results in conjoined twins. This is the most rare and dangerous form of twin pregnancy.
So my boys are Mono-Di meaning that they are identical. They shared a placenta but had their own sac. They also did not share the placenta evenly which is why this twin pregnancy is considered high risk.
Fraternal twins are genetic meaning that they may run in your family. Many women that go through infertility and have in-vitro fertilization have fraternal twins. This DOES NOT mean that everybody with fraternal twins had reproductive assistance.
Identical twins are spontaneous meaning there is truly no rhyme or reason that the egg split, I thing God must have a sense of humor because he gave me identical twins.
OK so now that this is cleared up… I mean I really did not know specifics before I had twins but you would be amazed by the stupid questions that people ask. Some of the more memorable ones are below along with my answers:
-Are they twins (um yeah, I think it is pretty obvious)
-Are they natural? (so this is deeply personal and should never be asked by a stranger but yes they were conceived the good old fashion way and it really is none of your business)
-Are you sure they are identical, they don’t look EXACTLY alike. (This one really makes me roll my eyes. Identical twins does not mean they are a replica of each other. There are many factors that can make them different. When they are in the womb, things can happen that effect their physical attributes. For example, one of twins is bigger and has always been because he had more of the placenta. Birth marks can occur on one and not the other. Their position in utero can make different head shapes. One of my guys wears glasses and the other one does not. So they do look similar, a lot of people can’t tell them apart but they are not the exact same.) Oh and it is science that makes them identical not how much they look alike. Yes identical twins should look similar but not the same.
-Can you tell them apart? (Yes, I am not an idiot, they are two different people that look different to me and have completely different personalities. I have heard of twin moms that cannot tell their children apart, and I don’t mean as newborns and I think they are intellectually challenged because they would have to be really stupid not to be able to tell their 3 year olds apart.)
-Did you try to have twins? (There is no magic potion that you can drink to have twins, I make babies just like everybody else, it is not rocket science. I have literally been asked if I used a certain sexual positions to “make twins” WOW, that is the stupidest question I have ever heard and you are an idiot for asking.)
-Which one do you love more? (Whichever one is pissing me off the least that day)
-Is it hard? (Really? I mean do people think the babies take care of each other?)
-Can they read each others mind? (I think they have a special and indescribable bond but no they are not aliens or super human…they are just normal kids.)
So on top of stupid questions, we also get stupid comments like these:
-I had kids similar in age, I think that is harder (nope, I doubt it…shut up or run because I might punch you.)
-Having twins is probably easier (please see response above.)
-I have 3 kids so twins are nothing (again please see response from the first one.)
-Too bad you did not get a boy and a girl (um, I am quite happy with two boys but thanks for sharing your opinion about what the ideal family looks like to you.)
-You should not be so strict about their schedule (I like my sleep and having as much control as I can so it is my choice to keep them on a schedule.)
-You should or should not dress them alike (My kids, my choice, shut up.)
-Can I touch them, I think twins have special powers (Please don’t touch my child, we deal with enough germs and illnesses and don’t need random strangers touching our children.)
This list could probably go on forever but I think I made my point. All in all I feel very special to be a mom of twins, it is so cool to see their bond. I am also a science nerd so having identical twins brings up the nature vs. nurture argument and I think it is fascinating. You get a lot of attention as a twin mom, I thought as they got older it would lessen but it has not. I don’t particularly like the attention but it comes with the territory. So when you see a twin mom, and are fascinated don’t do any of the above. Maybe try a new approach, something friendly and encouraging. I remember eating out one time and I looked over at an older couple. The women did not ask any questions but just said “Mine are 20 now, it gets easier” and smiled. Maybe as a fellow twin mom she knew just what to say and not say but it was so refreshing not to be interrupted by rude questions while we were trying to have dinner and on top of it she said something nice and reassuring which we don’t get a lot of. Being a mom in general is hard so use your time and energy to open the door for a person struggling to push a double stroller while hauling two diaper bags, say something kind or encouraging, refrain from asking personal questions, and just try not to be annoying and rude.
So to my fellow twin moms, I want to say great job, although being part of this “club” is hard…you are doing great. I hope people are kind to you and when they are not…just ignore them (they don’t understand and probably never will.) The choices you make are your own and you have the right to make them! Keep up the good work!
XOXO- Fellow twin mom
Today I am returning to work after an extended absence, mostly due to some serious health complications and I am struggling. Everybody is telling me not to worry that things will get better and to think happy thoughts but it is not working. I mean I really don’t have much to complain about, there are certain aspects of my job that I love but I just feel like it is time to move on and after having time off to put things in perspective…I have realized that I don’t want to be here anymore. I have enough money in the bank to leave but I just can’t find myself doing it. Like I said, there is a lot that I like and I am grateful for in my job but there is a lot of bad too. The bad is mostly things like gossip, working in a group of 3 Type A females (I am also type A but not the kind that likes to bulldoze people to make it higher on the corporate ladder.) After almost 8 years I do have a certain appreciation for the people I work with but for the most part, my work group has been in a downward spiral for a while now. When you have time off and serious things happen in your life it kind of puts things in perspective. I know what I need to do but I don’t have the courage to leave without having another job secured. My husband as well as a lot of people who know me well think it is better for me to just leave and not live with the stress but I guess I am afraid to fail my family. My mom struggled our entire life and I am so afraid of putting my kids in that same position. Don’t get me wrong, they are not spoiled at all but I like providing a nice home and a college fund for them, these were luxuries that I was not given as a child. I don’t think children need lots of expensive things or gadgets in fact I am totally against my children using I pads, phones or video games. We live a simple life but I want them to have a nice place to call home and a college account. I remember working my way through college and 15 years later…I am still paying off my debt. In my mind, I know we have to take risks in life to achieve greatness so why am I so afraid to leave without having something else lined up? If I told my husband that I quit today he would be so happy. I truly admire the people I see on IG starting their own businesses and living their life with passion instead of being tied to a job because of their fear of losing the money. I guess I am waiting for the perfect job to come knocking on my door and that is not happening. I thought the last company I interviewed with was going to be my next move but that did not end up working out. I cannot leave my current job for less money, I am good at what I do and have a certain level of expectation when it comes to salary. I wish I had the courage to venture out and do something that I am really passionate about but until that time comes I guess I will continue to try to think happy thoughts.
XOXO- Struggling twin mom
theorganizedtwinmom 